My mouth hurts ...
I'm going to the gym daily. No, I'm not going to bore you with stories of Fatty McFatterson or working out or anything. It's my business, not yours and I don't need the eight of you that read this to "you go boy" in the comments. I've tried the ego-ride that is posting your workout shit daily and it's just embarrassing, especially when you end up quitting after three weeks and not losing anything other than your self-esteem.
But I will share the occasional funny story from my escapades, as I'm sure there will be many.
On Friday I was finishing up my obligatory stretches after my weight training, which came after my 30 minute aerobic thingy. (It's a medically supervised weight loss program, so I've got all these goddamn instructions to follow.) My doctor told me I should lie down on the floor and stretch my hamstrings after each workout because they aren't as flexible as they should be.
I can't imagine why. They don't need to be flexible. They need to be strong. They hold up a 300-pound fat ass. He's not gonna call on them to move that much, 'kay?
Anyway, the doctor says I should lie flat on my back, lock my knee and raise my leg straight up until it's at a 90-degree angle from my torso. Of course, the lack of flexibility means I'll need some help getting it there, so he says to use one of those rubber cords with the stirrups on each end you can stand on and do curls with if you don't have weights.
So I attach the stirrup to my right shoe, grab the middle of the rubber cord and slowly pull my leg into position. I'm supposed to hold my leg there for 30-seconds. What my doctor failed to tell me was that at about 13 seconds, the stirrup will slip off your shoe, the cord will retract and the stirrup will then throttle you square in the mouth.
I almost lost my front four teeth. Which, collectively, weight 1.6 pounds.
Not what I had in mind.
